With the beginning of a new year, people tend to take a step back and reflect on their past behaviours. They ask questions like, “What do I want to achieve this year?”, “What goals shall I set for myself?” and “What can I improve on?”. We start the year by setting really high standards for ourselves, carrying a heavy bag on our shoulders which is doomed to tear sooner or later. We create high expectations which are often challenging to meet, letting ourselves down and experiencing guilt in the process.
Along with resolutions, it is important to construct a list of reminders, points to buffer any hardship which will inevitably be endured. Remind yourself that you do not have to buy into the “new year new me” campaign; it is okay to still be working on last year’s goals and there is no pressure to establish new ones. Remind yourself that diets have a 95% failure rate over five years, you do not have to start one - it is okay to have indulged in fast foods over the holidays; it was a tough year, and we all deserve a moment to relax and enjoy ourselves. Remind yourself that if you are determined to set goals for yourself, you can, and you can do that at any time of the year. Moreover, remind yourself that resolutions are often not kept, you do not have to make one. We are still living through a global pandemic and remain oblivious to what is yet to come.
Over the past year, we learned that the most important things in life are health, love, family, and friendships. With the help of the pandemic, we were given a brutal reminder as to how fragile life really is, how easily everything we hold dear can be taken away from us. Because of this, I believe that some of our resolutions should revolve around these delicate and beautiful pillars in our life. Regardless of the success and fortune that certain ambitions can bring, the foundation and function of our trait as human beings is to be social, to love and be loved by our significant others. Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is.
Here are three questions for you: Why are New year resolutions necessary? And why not look after yourself on a daily basis? Just how much of this decision involves conscious wrestling with yourself over what you ought to do, as opposed to what you really want to do? This is exactly what will predict how likely are you to keep your goals.
When developing a plan on how to attain our targets, a fundamental psychological mistake that we carry out is assuming that we will stick to it simply because it is important to us. On the contrary, what really matters is how much we can take pleasure from our initial efforts to starting something new. When there is something so emotionally resonant about the possibility of turning over a new leaf, together with the awareness of bettering our lives, enjoyment predicts long-term persistence.
Once you get going and develop a routine, your resolutions then begin to operate below conscious awareness, so you don’t even have to think too hard about them! Then, a positive feedback loop develops. The more physical activity you endure, the better you feel about yourself, also improving your mental health. Whilst maintaining a healthier diet will not only help you loose weight, but will also boost your confidence and self-esteem, encouraging you to keep it up.
To cut a long story short, do something that you love! Do something that excites you and ignites a fire in you. Don’t waste your time forcing yourself to do things which don’t serve any value or purpose. Life is too short for that. Find creative solutions and different outlets which are a better fit for you as an individual. Without trying, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.
Sophie Bonello Du Puis
Gestalt Psychotherapist
M. Psych (Gest)